On Playing God and Letting Go
“Stop trying to play God”, he said, his green eyes flashing with emotion. “You want to know the when, but that’s not in your control. You aren’t God”. It was another cold January day (is it just me, or does January seem to last forever?), and I had succumbed to the anxiety that gripped my stomach every morning. I wanted to know how long we would feel stuck in the limbo, I wanted to know what our exit strategy was, and I wanted to know it NOW. My husband held me by the shoulders, staring into my eyes and seeing something there, something that no one else sees. And that’s when he told me to stop trying to be God. It is so hard to not know, to not have the answers, to not know how long this feeling of being trapped will last. But as the doors continue to close around me, as the solutions I concoct in the dead of night when I can’t sleep continue to fail, I find myself strangely at peace. Here, in this ill-lit hallway of possibilities, with the door to teaching at Cristo Rey closed,
